I DO NOT LIKE WRITING MONTHLY WRAP-UPS. Like, I already have plans to post about something else?? I’ve been working on a different post?? Why am I diagnosed with Multiple Hiatus’ Influenza?? AHAHAHAA, as if that was real. ANYHOW, I still have no idea why I decide to write these because 1) they take forever and 2) it’s a new month what and 3) it’s a new month what?? And yet here I am.
This January was certainly better than last January, because last January there was no Crown Print, unfortunately*. And anyhow, I’m not satisfied. I guess that’s just how it’s supposed to be?? I’m never satisfied with anything? I ALWAYS WANT MORE.
BUT STILL HAVE YOU SEEN THESE PICTURES OML. I think I can be a little happy. AND STILL, like I said in my yearly wrap-up–the only thing I’m bound to enjoy here is the chaotic throwing of graphics and photos and SNEAKY LITTLE REFERENCES AT MY BOOKSTAGRAM**.
*when you’re waiting for blogoversary BUT YOU HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL MAYYY so you die
** or not so sneaky. Fine, you choose, I guess. BUT STILL GO LOOK AT THE BOOKSTAGRAM because I finally like it ›‹.
January was definitely, well, something. I seem to say that about everything, though. But I DEFINITELY WAS HAPPY WITH THE AMOUNT OF COOKIES AND RICE KRISPI TREATS it had, though. Now all I need IS MORE PIE AND SALTED CARAMEL PUDDING BECAUSE THAT IS DELICIOUS.
So I dealt a lot with myself and how I feel about myself. As said before, I’m ALWAYS struggling to find success. To me, success is wealth, and I’m prepared to do anything for it (that’s legal obviously how dare you think of this at all). When I was younger, I had a dream of being an author when I grew up, and that dream still stands.
But I no longer want to be an author. Why? I don’t think it is what will give me what I want in life, and what I want is money. Not love, not following my dreams, or any of that. And I’m being blatant here: all I want is money, and success.
AND TO ME, that means being successful and the BEST at everything, so I’m constantly struggling with trying to love myself. Like, I’m never satisfied. Ever. I’m not satisfied with how I look, which in my unfortunate opinion is not that amazing, I’m not satisfied with how I write, I’m not satisfied with my Instagram stats or my blog stats, I’m not satisfied with how good I am at everything I do–I’m just never happy unless I’m big and the best. And I don’t think I’ll ever change–I’ll just have to go on accepting it and still working for what I want.
Highlight of the month was
probably most definitely when I had a dream about a scene from ACOMAF about Feyre and Rhys 😉 and I read ACOMAF as an ebook, while I read ACOTAR as an actual book. So then following my excellent dream, while I’m still asleep, I dreamt about going to the bookstore after I woke up and buying ACOMAF and 1-4 of ToG because I only own #5. YES THAT’S HOW MUCH OF A BOOKWORM I AM.
And you know the best part? When I woke up and remembered my amazing dream about the scene in ACOMAF between Feyre and Rhys and THEN I REALIZED THAT THE SCENE I DREAMT ABOUT DID NOT ACTUALLY EXIST IN THE BOOK AND MY EXCELLENT MIND HAD BREWED UP AND CREATED THIS EXCELLENT
COFFEE DREAM. And now I have to go write it, of course, because I’m absolutely ecstatic that my mind is finally being useful.
Also, I initially bought the Cursed Child after it was released, but put it down in the middle because it was SOOO boring, and nothing like I’d expected for an 8th HP novel BECAUSE I AM DEVOTED TO HARRY POTTER ALRIGHT?? DEVOTED. I AM THE BIGGEST FAN OF EVER, so then I had to remind myself that this was NOT written by JK. Harry Potter is not a heartthrob of a teen (not as much as Draco definitely) but rather a father trying to find himself while still being the Boy Who Lived.
So now I picked it up again, and I still don’t exactly love it and think it worthy of all the hubbub that generally surrounds Harry Potter, but I did get to THAT twist about Voldemort, and, well, the book is looking up. ALSO HIGHLIGHT OF THE MONTH #2: when I read this article among a ton others about the Cursed Child play and ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE BLACK HERMIONE and Emma Watson and just feeling so FREAKING NOSTALGIC. I’m not even joking, I literally cried over the fact that it’s all over even though I cried about it years ago when I finished #7 the first time, once and for all. AND I DO NOT CRY OVER BOOKS EVER.
Like, writing this, there is literally this emotional pain in my chest which is my heart struggling to deal with the fact THAT IT’S STILL NOT REAL. After, 7 books, and 7 films, and DECADES of the making of both, I’M STILL NOT DONE WITH THIS MAGNIFICENT SERIES, which LITERALLY transformed my entire life and made me see things–people–differently. As possibilities. As something more. HARRY POTTER MADE MY ENTIRE LIFE WORTH LIVING, and it’s what still keeps me going. So that is how much bookworm I can get. Just nostalgia all the way, thinking about Harry Potter and his journey and everything he went through, and how, you know. It’s all over. It ended with The Deathly Hallows, and MY HEART IS LITERALLY SUFFERING WHILE WRITING THIS, but it’s–he’s still kind of there in my struggling heart. Harry Potter is still kind of living on.
So let me take a second to say: I HATE THE INSTAGRAM in computers. Because WHO thought it would be a good idea to make this dastardly gray background instead of white?? But still–I AM TOTALLY IN LOVE WITH BOOKSTAGRAM YOU GUYS.
Do you see the first 4 pictures there? Well, yes. I TOTALLY DID START A NEW THEME AND HOW SPECTACULAR IS IT OMG. I sound absolutely immature because I think it’s absolutely spectacular and I love it so much omg. It is my smol lovely precious child AND I THINK YOU NEED TO GO SEE IT. You have to tell me what you think of my new theme?! I used to do warm photos, and then I got tired of how happy and peppy they looked and now I have moved on to photos I personally think are much better 🙂
Behind the handle: I am @sixofpages and it took me ABSOLUTELY FOREVER to think of that handle. And truth be told? I DIDN’T THINK OF IT MYSELF. My lovely cousin thought of it because she’s just that lovely. Even though she isn’t as bat-crazy about books as I am–she’s still my favorite person of ever next to my little sister AND ALL THE LOVE IS HERE. Because she knows me–she knows all my secrets (PSSH LIKE I CAN KEEP ANY) and the biggest thing she knows about me is that I am ABSOLUTELY TOTALLY DIRELY IN LOVE WITH SIX OF CROWS. And being the best cousin of ever, she thought of sixofpages like the ‘six’ in Six of Crows WITH PAGES INSTEAD HOW LOVELY. I love her so. Most of the time. When I’m not throwing things at her because she refuses to read MY FAVORITE BOOKS. See my latest post here.
BEHIND THE TITLE: So I’ve come to realize that I say ‘behind the…’ a lot? AND I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT. WHERE IS THE BEHIND*. WHERE IS THE FRONT. Anyhow, let me tell you on Pinterest–I DO NOT NAME MY TITLES ANYTHING THAT IS ACTUALLY THE TITLE. I have this anxiety that won’t leave, you see, about putting ANYTHING understandable about my stories and such out there because I’ve been traumatized ever since I once shared a story idea with a friend and promptly had it stolen from me and written by aforesaid friend as her own idea. It wasn’t published, but it left a mark on me all the same.
SO AFTER TELLING YOU ALL OF THAT AND HAVING STORY TIME, I’ll tell you about the title on Pinterest. Literally I name my WIP boards on pinterest something that has everything to do with my story. So this story–well, it seems to have an extraordinary amount of coalescing ABOUT THE ENTIRE WORLD. This story is very worldly and worldly at the same time. AND THEN HERE’S THE PINTEREST BOARD OF COURSE. (click on it…and then go explore my splendid Pinterest which I’m still getting the hang of but nevertheless)
Progress: Help me–where did the month go?? I PRIORITIZED THESE TWO WIP’S FOR THIS YEAR-ish. And now where did the time go because all I remember is the word WRITER’S BLOCK and NO COMMITMENT. Okay, so that’s four words, but nevertheless. BUT I MADE A PINTEREST BOARD AND I’M HAPPY SO BE HAPPY. Actually, that sounded more like a question than a statement. WHICH MEANS I’M NOT SATISFIED. I just…don’t know how to regain interest? Like, I’m already a quarter way into it but I keep jumping and writing scenes from the sequel THAT I SOMEHOW ALREADY LAID OUT A PLAN FOR?? So if ANYONE knows how to write and keep interest without drifting away, TELL MEEE.
*geez that sounds so bad.
BEHIND THE TITLE: Well, this WIP is definitely the WIP OF MY EYES right now. LOL THAT PUN WAS NOT EVEN A LITTLE PUNNY**. And I still love this idea SO SO SO MUCH. The title is basically following along with the storyline, as I explained earlier in case you weren’t listening WHICH YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN, but if you weren’t, obviously you are the same person as I am, and so.
IT’S ALL ABOUT WHETHER YOU ARE SEEING WHAT IS REALLY THERE WHICH YOU PROBABLY AREN’T BECAUSE WE ARE
ALL mostly humans so we see what we want to see and we see what others want us to see. IT’S PURE PSYCHOLOGY FOLKS. And fantasy, even though it started off as contemporary AND AS YOU KNOW ME, A FANTASY NERD–I can never write anything but fantasy.
Progress: So it seems I made a Pinterest board for this novel as well–one I am entirely too proud of. The whole point of it was meant to be very visual, and huzzah–plan accomplished. I finished the outline last year and meant to start writing the WIP, but as soon as I started writing the prologue, I knew I didn’t know enough about my characters. So I apportioned them into two groups: primary characters, secondary characters, and minute characters who all I needed was a base characteristic image on. I then proceeded to use this article specifically to interview my primary characters.
I created a document, and used a few of these questions to interview all of my primary characters by. I’ve finished a few now, because mostly I’m looking for meaningful, deeper answers so, you know, I EXPLORE MY CHARACTERS. Now, for my secondary characters I used easier yet deeper questions along the lines of personality, relativity, and experiences. As soon as I finish doing my character interviews, however, I’m going to start writing, and THAT will be fun.
** nor was that one.
November 9 by Colleen Hoover: November 9 is probably going to be one of my favorite Crown reads of ever. THE STORY OMG THE STORY. If you haven’t read it yet, then before I shriek, GO READ IT BECAUSE YOU’LL PROBABLY LOVE IT. How? I am a total and complete fantasy nerd, and dystopian enthusiast, and Six of Crows adherent, AND HERE I AM FALLING DIRELY* IN LOVE WITH THIS NA/YA** CONTEMPORARY ROMANCE NOVEL. It’s just that good.
*I seem to fall direly in love with things too much. Not spectacularly, not entirely, not thrillingly, but direly.
** I don’t even know what to call it or what to think because obviously this is the result of falling direly in love.
This Savage Song by V.E. Schwab***: Let me tell you, THIS BOOK. Remember how I said I was a total fantasy nerd? Well, I always will be, but NEVERTHELESS HERE I AM FALLING IN LOVE YET AGAIN WITH SOME DARK STRANGE MIXTURE OF DYSTOPIAN AND SCI-FI AND THRILLER AND FANTASY ALL MESHED TOGETHER. And you know what the best part was? I WAS SO TOTALLY EXCITED TO READ THIS**** because do you see the covergasm right there?? FIRSTLY THAT HAND-LETTERING WHICH I ADORE because I love to letter. ALSO THE RED ALL THE RED ALL THE MONSTERS ALL THE BLOOD. Because obviously I am a huge fan of fantasy for this very reason*****. AND THEN THE VIOLIN. Just let me scream, because I play the piano and I love music, and just–just. WHY IS V.E. SCHWAB SO PERFECT OMG.
*** or Victoria Schwab or whatever you want to call her. She goes by Victoria for YA and V.E. for Adult, and I read ADSoM first which is Adult, so DON’T BE CONFUSED MY SMOL LOVELY FRENS.
**** holy moly for all that not-smooth-at-all screaming in caps lock
***** so, yes I love fantasy BECAUSE HOW EASY IS IT TO KILL OF CHARACTERS?? Writers don’t understand my precious little fragile heart. Oh, wait, no. I’m a writer. PSHH I KILL OF CHARACTERS I LOVE ALL THE TIME. Very easy, frens. Also TOO much footnotes. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH OF A WORK OUT MY RING FINGER IS GETTING FROM HOLDING DOWN THE SHIFT KEY A THOUSAND TIMES SO I CAN CLICK THE 8 KEY.